Donald Stays on Bench – All Blacks Win

The Mighty Mighty All Blacks convincing 33 – 6 demolition job of the hapless Dirty Filthy Cheating ‘Straaalyns capped of one of the most interesting Tri-Nations series in recent years.

Several of the changes to the squad paid dividends with Cory Jane and Ice T having their best ever performances in Black.. Mad props also go to Sir Graham who saw the light and kept Stephen Donald as far away from the action as was humanly possible for all eighty minutes. Donald’s absence being most notable in the post match statistics – zero defensive bombs and zero occasions where players fell for their own dummy passes.

The M.M.A.B loose forward trio were missing for the first ten minutes of the match but once they arrived at The Caketin they made their presence felt, blowing through rucks quicker than Angel Barbie blew through the English rugby team. The ball secured from ruck turnovers was a key factor in two of the M.M.A.B tries and ensured they had more than their fair share of possession throughout.

Even the M.M.A.B lineout showed signs of improvement, doubtlessly helped by the D.F.C ‘Straaalyns deciding not to contest. Whilst the first lineout of the game was just flat out awful, Hooker Hore finally sorted himself out and managed to hit his targets more often than not.

It’s fair to say that the M.M.A.Bs are now hitting peak form heading into… heading into… just at the end of the season.

Roll out the red carpet – it’s the Tri-Nations Mikeys…

The D.F.C ‘Bukkks were the form team of the competition and took out the title almost unopposed with the exception of a small glitch in one match against the Wallabies. The M.M.A.Bs were up and down but showed moments of brilliance in between some patches that were sub-par at best.

So without further ado I present the annual Tri-Nations Mikeys Awards…

The Kanye West “I wish I hadn’t done that” Award – Goes to eye-gouger Schalk Burger who suffered not only the indignity of being forever known as he lowest form of rugby player when he tried to remove Luke Fitzgerald’s eye from its socket but then lost his place in the ‘Bukkks XV permanently to Heinrich Brüssow.  Brüssow took the opportunity with both hands and was probably the form forward of the Tri-Nations.  Runner up for the award is Robbie Deans for leaving a squad that can coach itself and joining one that is beyond help.

The P Divvy Award for quote of the Tri Nations goes to – surprise, surprise Peter de Villiers who lamented the Boks only loss of the campaign with “There is a quiet positiveness that we lost it rather than they won it”. de Villiers also took out second through tenth in this category.

The Mike Catty Award for the person most likely to lose their job was closely fought amongst a large cast of soon to be outcasts. Just missing out on top spot but worthy of a mention are Steve Hansen for claiming to be a forward coach but being unable to teach the M.M.A.Bs how to win their own ball or compete against opposition lineouts. Other nominees included the entire Wallaby forward pack and Robbie Deans. In the end the judging panel voted unanimously 1-0 that Stephen Donald will be the next to lose his job. Quite simply Donald has proven consistently his inability to kick, pass, tackle or run and should be fired any time soon. Caleb Ralph should be useful for career advice.

And finally The Ayatollah Ali Khamenei Supreme Coach of the Year Award – Lord Sir  Graham Henry takes this one out hands down. Robbie Deans finished the Tri-Nations one and five and Peter de Villiers is under strict instructions from the South African Union not go anywhere near the players at training so Henry is the clear winner. There was no runner up in this category.

Henry for P.M – de Villiers for his own chat show and the MMABs for the RWC!