Sports Roundup – 13 June 2011

Rugby (The good type)
Unfortunately a quiet morning at work has coincided with the 4th straight loss for the Mighty Mighty Blues. Your average journo would simply ignore this and move on to the netball.
Netball
The Mighty Mighty Silver Ferns fully smashed the Dirty Filthy Cheating Diamonds in last night’s test match at Vector Arena. Although the series was drawn one all it’s fair to say we’ve been able to take at least a few conclusions from it. (1) Netball will never be a sport until you can run with the ball (2) Constant whistle throughout the game suggested the ruck and maul area still needs to be cleaned up (3) Metallica is at least five times better than netball if attendance figures are anything to go by. The MMSFs are off to the netball hot bed of Singapore next where Metallica attendance suggests the crowd may be in the mid to late teens. I’m not 100% sure of the format although I believe it’s similar to every other big netball tournament and the Mighty Mighty Silver Ferns and the Dirty Filthy Cheating Diamonds both get byes until the final.
Rugby (the bad type)
Regular readers of this column will be well aware of my fondness for the simple man’s game – Rugby League. Your correspondent was amongst the last five in the office pool for a $2100 first prize if the Warriors could get up over the Dirty Filthy Cheating Wests Tigers. With the Warriors up by somewhere in the vicinity of 3000 points with 20 seconds left on the clock I was most displeased to see Wests score so many easy tries that I was left wondering whether a new rule had been introduced where both teams play touch rugby instead of league for the last 20 minutes. You owe me $2100 Warriors – I know where you live and when you’re all old and less likely to smash me I’m coming after it.
Rugby (the good type)
OK – something’s gotta be said and I think we should all start by applauding the Mighty Might Blues for ensuring that Dirty Filthy Cheating Canterbury get the home semi-final and the accompanying cash cow that hosting the game will bring. Nice to see the lads doing their bit for Earthquake relief. If we’ve learned anything in the last few weeks it is that the backup for Dan Carter at Rugby World Cup 2011 should be Johnny Melville from ‘Rewa Hard Pressies XV. He can’t kick, pass or step so he’s at least as good as Stephen Brett but his post game drinking form is hitting it’s peak and I reckon that’ll be the key. McAlister has probably done just enough to ensure he’s out of the mix and I didn’t even notice Cruden was back starting for the ‘Canes despite watching all of their games this year. Our last hope was Stephen Donald whose rugby game is so stink he’s signed up for Bath.* I’m looking forward to the D.F.C. Canterbury v Mighty Mighty Blues final at Keith Murdoch Stadium in Dunedin in a few weeks time and will be patiently waiting for your invites to roll in… I look forward to seeing you there.
* Not an original pun – If anyone knows Tyrone Paul, please take your frustrations out on him.

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